


The Sun and the Heart

by Unlisshed



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Jaal is a giant flirt, Jealousy, No PB&J here, Sara is jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unlisshed/pseuds/Unlisshed
Summary: Sara heard Jaal's rich laugh beyond the kitchen door and couldn't stop the sudden butterflies in her stomach.Just a few days earlier, Jaal had confessed his feelings for her with earnest eyes and shaking hands and Sara had never felt more thrilled. They had kissed and Sara felt alive and loved and safe for the first time since waking up in Andromeda. It had been a perfect moment.Trying to get her feelings under control, Sara took a few seconds to collect herself then entered the kitchen. What greeted her made all the butterflies in her stomach collectively die.





	The Sun and the Heart

The first time it happens, Sara is surprised, then a little hurt, then angry. She has no claim on Jaal, but has fallen into a steady rhythm of flirtation with him that she had naively thought meant as much to him as it did to her. Clearly that was not so as she listened to him tell Vetra that while PeeBee was looking at him, he was "looking right back". Sara tried to rationalise it in her head as Jaal just being curious about Asari but there was a teasing lilt to his tone that suggested otherwise. As they they travelled around Kadara solving everyone's problems and nothing else was said however, she had calmed down enough to admit that she may have overreacted. She and Jaal were not together, he could flirt with whomever he liked.

  
The second time, it's on Elaadan a few weeks later. Sara, PeeBee and Jaal are chasing Kett and hunting down remnant technology. Sara is preoccupied with driving the Nomad, while Jaal and PeeBee are in the back seat. Their conversation starts off innocently enough, they're discussing the different Milky Way species and their roles within the Milky Way. Soon enough though PeeBee was commenting on Jaal's huge thighs and although Jaal seems uncomfortable at first, soon he's laughing, teasing PeeBee that she's just jealous because hers are so small he could probably wrap a hand right around one. Sara had lost concentration and driven off a very steep dune, accidentally yet very effectively ending that conversation. She can't quite find it in herself to apologise to them as they collect themselves from the Nomad floor.

  
A month later, late in the ship's cycle, she found herself starving having missed dinner thanks to a backlog of mission reports due to the Initiative the next day. She got up and stretched, working out the kinks that had accumulated over the last few hours of sitting hunched over her desk. SAM had reminded her several times to take a break but she brushed him off like she did nearly every time he tried to lecture her on what was good for her. She made her way to the kitchen, eager to eat whatever Drack had cooked up tonight. As she approached the door, she heard Jaal's rich laugh and couldn't stop the sudden butterflies in her stomach.

  
Just a few days ago she met his beautiful true mother and huge family. Jaal had also confessed his feelings for her with earnest eyes and shaking hands and Sara had never felt more thrilled. He'd shown her his self-made Star Chart and finally -finally!- they kissed and Sara felt alive and loved and safe for the first time since waking up in Andromeda. It had been a perfect moment.

  
Trying to get her feelings under control, she took a few seconds to collect herself then entered the kitchen. What greeted her made all the butterflies in her stomach collectively die.

PeeBee and Jaal were engaged in a very animated discussion but it wasn't what they were saying that got her. It was how close they were standing and the looks on their faces. PeeBee was looking up at him, clear admiration in her eyes, her hand on his forearm. Jaal looked down at PeeBee with the same look he got when he found something that fascinated him, the same look he used to give Sara when he first came aboard the Tempest. They stopped their conversation when she walked in, PeeBee taking a step back with a guilty look on her face, while Jaal remained unfazed, his smile growing as he took her in.  
"Sara, my love! PeeBee and I were just discussing-"

  
"Sorry to interrupt, just came in for something to eat." She bypassed Jaal, refusing to meet his eyes as she made her way to the cupboard and grabbed the first thing her hand touched before turning and walking back out. She hurried to her room then shut the door, locking it with her Pathfinder's authorisation before sitting down at her desk, trying to ignore the stinging prickling behind her eyes. She threw the protein bar down, her appetite far gone.

  
Sara knew it was too good to be true. That Jaal was too good to be true. She had ignored his flirty nature early on because they had not been together, but she thought that their relationship would be enough to put an end to that. Apparently she was wrong.

  
"Sara, Jaal is requesting access to your room. I know you have previously stated to always give him access if you're awake but given your current emotional state, I felt it best to ask."  
Sara felt a sudden surge of affection for the AI. "Thank you SAM, I think I do need to be alone right now."

  
She ignored the tiny jab in her gut at ignoring Jaal, knowing how much it would hurt him but she couldn't find it in herself to face him just yet. Maybe there was just too much of a difference between their peoples to make a relationship work. She knew that Angara were an open and honest race, keeping their emotions on their sleeves but maybe that also meant they they couldn't or wouldn't ignore their feelings for other people. Some people might be okay with that but Sara was not one of them. When she loved someone, she wanted that someone to be hers only.

With a sinking feeling she realised that's exactly what her problem was. She loved Jaal. Not just attracted to him or fond of him, she straight up loved him.

  
The tears that had been slowly gathering fell then and Sara cursed her stupid heart. It sounded illogical to her own mind that she felt so strongly for him in such a short time but she could not deny it.

  
His openness, his way of speaking the truth no matter how it may make him look, the vulnerability he showed that somehow only made him stronger. His smile. His eyes and they way they looked into her, seeing past the polite professionalism she wore like armour. How she fit perfectly against him, her head tucking comfortably under his chin, his arms curved protectively around her as if shielding her from the things she would tackle head on without a second thought.

  
Oh god, she was such an idiot. She needed to talk to him, not shut him out. Sara stood up, wiping the remnants of tears from her eyes. If they were going to talk, she needed to remain level headed. It would not do for her to cry and mess up what she needed to say.  
"SAM, is Jaal in the Tech Lab?"

  
"Yes Sara, though he has currently requested not to be disturbed. Should I let him know you want to see him?" Sara's stomach dropped, it was not like him to want to be alone, she must have really hurt him.

  
"Yes SAM and please stress the fact that he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to."  
There was a few seconds of silence and Sara's heart pounded. "Jaal would like to see you immediately, Sara. He was... very enthusiastic about it."

  
A small smile flashed across her face at SAM's words and she made her way to the tech lab, climbing the stairs and walking through the Research Room. She noted with a relief that due to the late hour, there was no one around to see her splotchy face or to overhear anything that Jaal and Sara may talk about. She paused outside his door and took a deep breath.  
When she opened his door, she found him pacing from one end of the room to the other. As he registered the sound of the door opening, he turned, a beautiful smile forming on his face as he walked towards her. She couldn't help returning a small smile but remained reserved, a fact that did not escape Jaal.

His smile faltered as did his step and he stopped half way to her. "Darling One, have I done something wrong?" The uncertainty in his eyes almost undid her but she needed to stay focused.

"No. Yes. Maybe." She sighed. "We need to talk. But I need to stay here, and you need to stay there. You have a way of... distracting me and making my thoughts disappear."  
She could see him struggling to stay where he was but did as she asked. "Of course Sara. Whatever you need."

  
Sara nodded. "Thank you Jaal. I know I'm being confusing, but I will make myself clear in a moment. I just need the space for now, so my emotions don't get the better of me." She smiled ruefully when Jaal opened his mouth to speak but cut in before he could. "Yes, I know it's your way, and it works for you but if I let my emotions out right now, I'll be a blubbering mess on the floor and we'll get nowhere."

  
"Hmmm, I do not agree but I will respect your wishes, my love." He shifted foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable with the situation and Sara decided to get on with it.  
"Sometimes I forget just how much about your people I still don't know. It's strange, because you are a giant purple cat-man, but I often forget that you're an alien from a different galaxy."

  
The blatant fondness in his blue eyes at her words made her heartbeat skitter off-kilter. Her mouth went a little dry under his gaze and she swallowed and looked away, trying to get back some control. "I need to know, and I'm truly sorry if this offends, but are Angara monogamous?" Sara looked everywhere around the room besides towards him as she continued, "I mean, it's okay if you're not, it's just that humans are for the most part and well, I've noticed that you and PeeBee are getting really close, like, flirty close." Sara found the courage to look up and the utter surprise in his eyes spurred her on. "I know I said it's okay and it is but I can't do that. I can't share you. I would rather we end this now if that's the case." She sighed, glad to have gotten through that without breaking down.

  
Jaal's look of surprise turned into one of frustration and he paced on the spot. "I feel so inadequate that I did not see this!" He looked to her and the frustration seemed to drain from him. He looked at her earnestly, "May I come closer now, my Darling One?"  
She nodded and he approached her, his huge hands coming to rest on her shoulders. He looked down at her and she took him in, his alien features so, so endearingly familiar to her. She resisted the urge to curl into him as the intoxicating scent of his perfume washed over her.

  
"Most Angara are monogamous, and I'm no exception. What I feel for PeeBee is not romantic, it is simple curiosity mixed with friendship. She once extended an offer to... mate, but it was around the time I realised that my feelings for you were much stronger than I had anticipated and I could not accept." He sighed. "I am a fool. Angara can be very, to use your words, "flirty" but to us it means nothing. If Angara are in a relationship and they do not like how their other half is acting, they will usually let them know. Very loudly. I acted as if I were in a relationship with an Angaran and not a beautiful human." He smiled a little ruefully, "perhaps because I too sometimes forget that you are an alien."

  
"You're not the fool, Jaal. I am." Sara wanted to kick herself. She settled for biting her lip. Angarans were all about being open and in touch with their emotions, Jaal especially. If she had said something to begin with, it would never had gotten this far. She was the only one to blame. "This is all my fault, if I said something in the kitchen instead of running away we could have avoided all this!" Sara tried to pull away, disgusted with herself but Jaal held firm, not restraining her, but just preventing her from turning away from him. She dropped her eyes, ashamed.

  
"My love, Sara, look at me. Please." He implored and she had to look up, she could do nothing else. "The fault is not yours, believe me. I will do anything to make this up to you, anything." His hands dropped to hers and grasped them, then he dropped to his knees. He looked up at her, those beautiful blue eyes looking earnestly up at her.

  
Sara couldn't stand it. He was taking all the blame, putting it all on himself. She hated to see him so humbled before her, this magnificent man who was confident on the surface but in truth thought too little of himself. She dropped to her knees as well, taking her hands from his so she could wrap her arms around him. His arms automatically went around her. "Jaal, there is nothing to make up. I'll make you a promise. I will always try to talk to you and not shut you out. I will try my absolute hardest to not to run away if something upsets me, I may fail, but I am only human."

  
Jaal tightened his hold on her. "You are an amazing woman Sara Ryder. I will make a promise in return. I promise I will never adore anyone as much as I adore you," he paused, and Sara delighted in the way his lips curved into a small smile, "except perhaps for my true mother."

  
Sara laughed, feeling light. "Oh my gorgeous man, Sahuna is the one person you never have to worry about." In one swift movement, Jaal had one arm under her knees, the other around her waist and he lifted her up with an ease that left her in awe. He sat them down on a nearby crate. She sat sidewards on his lap, her heart pounding in anticipation as he looked down at her. "I need to kiss you now," he said. Sara nodded and his hand came up to cup her face as he leant down, his lips capturing hers.

  
Sara couldn't think, she could only feel and react. One of her hands found his shoulder, holding on for dear life as their lips moved together. His scent surrounded her and her other hand moved to cup his cheek, mirroring him.

  
She moaned when his tongue eventually found hers, and she pulled herself up and twisted her body so she could straddle him. He broke away from her, breathing hard. "Sara, we can't..." She didn't give him a chance to finish the sentence. She leant forward, eager to taste his lips and tongue on hers again and leant in, picking up where he had stopped, pausing to quickly nip his bottom lip before sliding her tongue along his. Despite his protest, he seemed eager to continue, his hands settling low on her hips, gripping them tightly within his massive hands. Her hands gently grasped at the folds of his neck, her fingers briefly brushing over the terrible scar on his left side. The skin on the inside was super soft, firm and very warm to the touch and she gently stroked it with her thumbs, enjoying the slight staticky effect that sent tingles all the way up her arms. His hands had migrated to cup her ass and he pulled her snug against him. She whimpered slightly, her hips rolled in response, her body responding on an instinctual level.

  
She felt like she was on fire, her body was so alive with need it was almost overwhelming. A part of her knew that they had to stop before they both got too lost in the feelings, but another part of her really didn't care. She wanted to throw caution to the wind, to lose herself in Jaal's embrace and never be found.

  
In the end, it was Jaal that once again brought her back to reality. He broke away from her a second time, his hands moving back to her shoulders, grasping them as if to stop himself as much as her. He was breathing was hard as he spoke. "We must stop, Darling One. I want you too much. I want more than is appropriate right now."

  
Sara looked at him, at those beautiful blue eyes darkened with desire, the almost feline-like flat nose, those thin but oh-so-soft lips. She sighed, "I definitely want more than is appropriate." It was too soon and definitely not the right place. She willed her breathing back to normal and stood, lamenting the space between them as she did. She stood in front of him and grasped his hands. "I meant it Jaal, my promise. You mean too much to me to lose."

  
Jaal sat there, looking happy and sad all at the same time. "I meant mine too Sara. Sleep well, my Heart."

  
Sara found it hard to leave after that, but she did.

  
She was walking through the CIC when SAM used their private channel. "Sara, PeeBee wishes to speak with you."

  
"What? That's convenient timing." Sara glanced around, as if expecting to see PeeBee there.

"Not necessarily. PeeBee contacted me an hour ago but as you were otherwise engaged, I felt is wise to wait until you... were not." SAM finished.

  
"Good call SAM. You're getting better at this personal stuff," Sara remarked as she made her way to PeeBee's escape pod. She said a quick hello to Kallo, who as usual was working late into the night.

  
"I would not be a very effective AI if I did not learn, Sara."

  
"Touché." Sara replied as she knocked on PeeBee's door. This was not going to be fun.  
PeeBee answered it straight away and Sara noted with a small amount of alarm that the room looked like it had been turned upside-down.

"Ryder, come in. Excuse the mess, POC decided to glitch out on me earlier. Uh, it's all good though, it won't happen again. Look, I just wanted to clear the air, I know you and Jaal are a thing, but I didn't realise how much of a thing you guys were until tonight. I just wanted to say I won't get in the way. I might be a flighty thing but I'm not the kind to come between two people who I really like." PeeBee met her eyes for the first time since Sara had entered the room. "Are we good?"

  
Sara blinked. "That's it?"

  
"For me yeah. I mean, I like Jaal, he's funny, attractive, smells amazing and is nice to talk to-"

  
"PeeBee..." Sara warned.

  
She continued as if Sara hadn't just practically growled at her, "-but it was never anything serious. You know me, I like to keep things light."

  
Sara stared at PeeBee until she started to fidget, well, more than the usual amount. "Good. I really don't want to have this conversation again."

  
"Don't worry, we won't. You know I don't like to do things twice."

  
Sara believed her. PeeBee was a lot of things but she wasn't dishonest. "Ok, I'm glad we have that sorted. Well, I'll leave you to it," she said, motioning to the mess around the room. PeeBee waved her off, having already moved on to the next thing that had grabbed her attention.

  
Sara went back to her room, resolving to finish the last few reports before heading to bed. She spotted the discarded nutrient bar and her stomach grumbled in protest. Her earlier hunger came rushing back and Sara ate the bar eagerly. She noticed she had a new message but ignored it in favour of hunting more food down.

  
She was just about to walk out the door when SAM spoke. "You have received a new email. It's from Jaal."

  
Sara rushed back to the computer, opening the message without hesitation. It read:

 _Seeing your beautiful heart,_  
_is like staring into a sun._  
_But I will gladly go blind,_  
_for I cannot look away._  
_And when I'm finally blind,_  
_I will not fear the darkness_  
_Because your warmth_  
_will nourish me._

**Author's Note:**

> The first 4 lines of Jaal's poem is by John Mark Green on Tumblr, the last 4 by yours truly.
> 
> Hmm, not completely happy with this fic, but it just got to the point where I had to just let it go and just post it anyway.
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated, especially those of the constructive criticism kind. I only do this for fun but that doesn't mean I can't better myself at the same time.


End file.
